Friendship Breakups and New Beginnings: A Journey of Saying Yes and Embracing Connection

Alright, let’s get personal-ish. Friends… what do I have to say about friends? To be honest, this topic was suggested by ONE of my friends, so I didn’t have any big opinions or wisdom to share at first. Then, I posted a poll on Instagram asking what YOU wanted to read about, and this one quickly became a fan favorite. So, here we are—me, writing about friendships in adulthood.

But maybe that’s a good thing? Being forced to reflect on something I don’t already have a neatly packaged story or well-rehearsed advice for. It feels like a true stream-of-consciousness journaling moment (which, of course, will get a little cleanup courtesy of ChatGPT—don’t worry). Maybe this post will be full of revelations, or maybe it’ll just be a handful of experiences and thoughts that you can relate to. Either way, that’s my intention with this section of my website—My Journal—it’s meant to be raw, real, and personal. I want you to feel like you’re reading my innermost thoughts, straight from the heart. After all, how else are we supposed to connect in this wild, confusing world?

To be honest, I’m not sure I’m the best person to be writing about friendships. Like most of you, I had a solid group of friends in high school (because we saw each other every day in class or at sports), a steady group in college (thanks to my sorority and a job in an apartment complex full of college students), and a great group post-grad (because I started dating my now-husband senior year, and naturally, I inherited his circle of friends). That group grew over time as they got married, had babies, and brought in more friends. So now? We’ve got ourselves a beautiful little village.

BUT.

What I can talk about is the pressure of maintaining relationships that just don’t have the same spark anymore. And I can talk about making new friends on my own, by simply adopting a mindset of curiosity toward others.

Let’s start with the first one. It seems like our friendships follow this weird life cycle, kind of like stars getting closer to a supernova. At first, things are great!

• Phase 1: Your relationship is essentially a baby. You’re hanging out all the time, making plans, texting daily updates. You know everything about this person—or at least you’re on your way to it. You know who they’re dating, what exams or performance reviews they’re stressing over, you’ve had your share of trauma dumps, and, of course, you’ve shared some drunken nights together (because what better way to bond than by exchanging compliments in a dimly lit bathroom with rich, fancy paper towels, totally uninhibited by social expectations, all thanks to 3 espresso martinis?!).

• Phase 2: Enter life change. Someone moves away, gets a new job, enters a new stage of life that doesn’t include you—maybe a baby, a marriage, or a move. The hangouts start to dwindle (understandably) or disappear altogether. But that’s okay, right? Because when you do get together, it’ll be that much sweeter. The updates that once flowed naturally through texts and nights spent on the couch now feel more spaced out. You might not hear from them for days—or even weeks. But when you do catch up, you find out about a funny work story or share an awkward encounter with a mutual friend. You giggle. It feels like old times. Things are good. We’re fine. We can handle this, right? This is adulthood after all. We can’t always stay attached at the hip like we did in college. You hold on to these little catch-ups, hoping they’ll keep the connection alive.

• Phase 3: The text message threads that used to flow monthly are now barely hanging on. Phone calls? What phone calls? No FaceTimes either. You catch up through Instagram stories and memes that pop up on your FYP. You convince yourself that the best adult friendships are the ones where your entire communication consists of memes sent in DMs because those are the friendships that are so deep they don’t NEED constant communication. But deep down, you know things are slipping. You’re trying to keep this friendship alive. At least if you make an effort, you can say you tried if it eventually fizzles out. You start questioning why you’re even putting in so much effort. Shouldn’t a friendship feel a little more natural? Why do you need to set weekly reminders to check in? You spend too much mental energy planning topics for your next phone call or trying to keep a text conversation going that doesn’t drag out for a week because one of you can’t keep up with the back-and-forth.

• Phase 4: Someone gives up. And, based on where this is going, it’s probably you. Or maybe your friend gave up first. At some point, one of you realizes this relationship isn’t growing, isn’t serving anyone, isn’t easy, and certainly isn’t bringing anything to life. So someone ghosts. Or they stop setting that weekly reminder, stop sending the memes. Or someone finally texts and says, “Hey, my life’s changed. My values have changed. It’s too much effort. We’re not clicking anymore. There’s no point in pretending this friendship still works.”

And that’s it. It’s over. For the first time, you’ve lost a friend you thought would be there forever. And now you get what people mean when they say it’s hard to make friends as an adult, because now you see it: all of your friendships might go through this same cycle. And holy shit—what happens when they all go supernova on you?

But here’s the thing you also learn: that wasn’t really a friendship anymore. It was, at one point, until it wasn’t. And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that. People come into our lives for a reason, for a season, and sometimes when the time is up, it ends. It’s not about failure; it’s about growth. We’re meant to learn something from each person we meet, and when we’ve gotten that lesson, or grown into the person we need to be, it’s time to move on.

And let me tell you something—being “friend broken up with” isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it can be a blessing in disguise, because it creates space for new friendships—relationships that are truly aligned with who you are now. People who are in the same life stage, share your values, and are on the same spiritual journey as you. Honestly, what the hell was I trying to keep that old friendship alive for anyway? Weekly alarms to check in? Planning topics to talk about? Intentional meme-sending?! Yeah, no thank you. Friendship shouldn’t be that much work.

Can you relate? At all? Oh, and if you didn’t catch on—I was the one who got “friend broken up with” out of the blue by someone who had literally asked me to be their bridesmaid. Shocking, right? Yeah, it was fucking stupid. It sucked. Thank GAWD we hadn’t bought our plane tickets to Spain.

But you know what? It was a dead friendship. And you know what happens when a friendship dies? It opens up the space for more aligned relationships to grow. Relationships that, if you follow me on Instagram, you’ve probably already seen me talk about.

While I was driving home from the post office, getting ready to write this, I couldn’t help but think about how I made these friends. Because yes, many of them are from “work”—but is that cheating? My work is in network marketing, so I’m not seeing these people every day, not sitting in meetings with them weekly. So how did I befriend them?

Here’s the beautiful combination: Saying yes + Leaning into curiosity about others = Finding new friends.

Now, I’m not some friendship expert, so don’t expect too many wisdom-filled stories in the rest of this journal entry. But I do want to share some examples of how this formula has worked for me.

In November 2023, I received a random call from Young Living. I had unknowingly earned a trip to their farm in Ecuador—a farm SO many people dream of visiting, but never do, a farm that’s basically on a pedestal for its beauty and prestige and its role in creating what is Young Living today. It was a HUGE opportunity. BUT, I had NEVER traveled internationally, let alone alone. I’d never left my baby, and I didn’t know ANYONE I’d be staying with. I said yes anyway.

I found out I’d be rooming with Soshanna and Wendy (you know them!). We started an Instagram message thread leading up to the trip. I asked them questions, reassured them I wasn’t a weirdo (because I was a late add-on), and we shared travel info. When I arrived, we had to get comfortable really quickly. We were in one small cabin with one bathroom and a door that didn’t really close. But you know what? In addition to genuinely learning about each other’s lives and families, I broke the ice with, “What’s the poop schedule?” And let me tell you, nothing breaks down the nerves more than that! We all ended up loving each other, and it all began with a trip we all said yes to—despite never having met.

In April 2023, I won an Instagram giveaway that included an astrocartography reading by Jeanette (you guys know @wabi.sabi.tarot!). I sat through the reading on Zoom. Cool, right? But then I invited her onto my podcast because I was CURIOUS about her. I thought she might be an interesting guest with her knowledge of tarot and astrology. I asked. She said yes. We DM’d a little, then sent memes, then voice messages. It grew quickly. When she found out she was pregnant, she texted me—this girl didn’t even know me! But that’s the power of online friendships today, right? We exchanged numbers, I sent her food after birth, and our voice messages got longer. When she found out I was spending Christmas in Chicago, we broached the idea of meeting IRL. I said yes. I said YES YOU GUYS! And we hung out twice. And now, this girl has me calling her my best friend.

In September 2023, I found out Annie (you know her too!) was planning to move from Pennsylvania to Florida. Until then, I’d only followed her on Instagram and asked for random business advice. I DID NOT KNOW HER. But she suggested we hang out. A sleepover? Now that’s a commitment. I cheated a little here—I didn’t make it happen immediately because we had a Young Living trip to the Dominican Republic in between where I got to hang out with her in a “safer” environment, with other people I knew first. But I committed to the sleepover by April. And I said yes to everything—yes to going on a walk, yes to having a margarita, yes to ordering food, YES TO THE SLEEPOVER. Now, Annie and I text all the time, we have inside jokes, we’re planning a trip to Disney, and we’re gearing up to see each other in Bali!

I don’t know how to wrap this all up perfectly, to be honest. But I can tell you this: whether it’s friendships or anything else, when you feel force, it’s time to let go. As scary as it is, letting go creates space for something more aligned. And when it’s time for you to make new friends, say yes to the opportunities, commitments, events, and activities that will expose you to new people. And after you say yes, make it less awkward for yourself by opening up and becoming genuinely curious about others. This is how conversations start. This is how you figure out your compatibility. This is how you trauma dump and giggle in the corner, discovering inside jokes in the first hour, and then—just like that—you become inseparable with contact photos that should never see the light of day.

Good luck out there, bitch faces!